Gold Star Wife

Gold Star Service Banner.

I remember the time I first saw a Gold Star. It was hanging in a large picture window of an "old" house. Growing up in the Florida Panhandle, the "Cradle of Naval Aviation", I might have seen a "Star" previously but did not understand the significance of its meaning. However, it was this occasion in Southern California that left a life-long impression.

I was a young Marine on TAD (Temporary Additional Duty) orders to 29 Palms MCAGCC, CA. During a "96" (a 4-day weekend; 24 x 4), a few of us drove to San Diego. Late Saturday afternoon, we were looking for a place a few streets off the Beach and wound up in a residential area. While driving through, I saw a "middle-aged" woman walking back to her house from the mailbox. I then noticed something hanging in the window. It stopped me in my tracks. I bailed out of the car, quickly crossed the street while the other Marines "dismounted with military precision". They had no idea what was going on, but they had my "Six". I cautiously approached the woman, hoping not to alarm her. She looked good for "middle-aged". (To a young Marine, my idea of "old" and "middle-aged" was vastly different than what it is now.) She was wearing jeans, a pastel yellow collared button-down shirt, and what we now readily identify as "deck shoes". Her hair, long and beautiful. She noticed us and asked if she could help. I stammered something about being Marines and why we were in San Diego. She smiled. I then said, "That is the first one I've ever seen," as I pointed with a nod of my head towards her large window.

Vietnam Veterans War Memorial -- aka The Wall.

The guys saw it, instantly knowing why I stopped. Framed perfectly in the picture window hung a Gold Star Service Banner. 

I don't know about them, but the whole 'join the Corps and kill the bad guys' just got real for me. (Note: This was before the Beirut bombing and losing some guys we knew.) Suddenly, my heart was beating faster, and my breathing increased. Somehow, the saliva normally in my mouth had migrated to my eyes while undergoing metamorphosis, changing from saliva to tears. My mouth was dry, but my eyes more than made up for the lack of moisture. After a few moments of silence, she explained her husband "was a Navy Corpsman attached to Marines out of Pendleton". Marines love their HMs. (Note: The US Marine Corps does not staff Clergy or Medical personnel; instead, they rely on the US Navy. HM or Hospital Corpsman, are US Navy "medics" attached to Marine units.) Each Corpsman has the same name: Doc. Her "Doc" was killed in the early '70s fighting in Vietnam. After his death, she decided to remain in the house they purchased to raise their two young children.

We made small talk. She was extremely gracious and offered to fix us something to drink, "I have lemonade". There was a part of me that wanted to accept her offer, if for no other reason than to lubricate my mouth dehydrated from the adrenaline racing through my body. We managed awkward responses declining her sincere invitation.

At the last moment, as the guys turned to walk back to the car, I summoned my courage and told her I was thankful for her husband's service, honored to have met her, and offered my condolences for her loss. She closed the few feet between us, took me in her arms, and hugged me, while saying "Thank you". After a brief but emotionally charged embrace she dropped one arm, turned me towards the guys while still embracing me with her other arm, and told us something like, "I know you are Marines but you are not invincible. Take care of yourself and look after each other. You do not want your mommas or wives ever getting one of those" as she pointed with a nod of her head towards the Gold Star Service Banner.

The adrenaline dump was nearly over, and emotions were beginning to take control. Marines Do Not Cry—I guess we were the inspiration for Major League Baseball's saying, "There's no cryin' in BASEBALL!"—but I could not stop the emotion filling my entire being. At that moment, I did not want to think about any of this and regretted opening my mouth. All I had to do was just turn and walk to the car with the guys. As I listened to her words, I became more aware of her hair. It was brunette with natural auburn highlights, but what caught my attention was the fragrance. Her hair smelled like a prairie of wildflowers. Peaceful. Tranquil. Serene.

Suddenly, I felt better. I was not going to embarrass myself in front of other Marines, and especially this sweet woman. I told her I was glad I met her and would forever look at Gold Stars differently.

She was still standing in the driveway as we pulled away, waving goodbye. We ended up not going where we had originally planned. Somehow, the girls in a strip club just could not compare with the beautiful woman we had just met.

That night, as I lay in my cheap hotel double rack, I thought back over the moments I spent with her. I thought of her husband dying in the jungles of Southeast Asia. Did she stop him in his tracks the first time he saw her? How many times had he heard "I have lemonade"? Did he have a similar memory of seeing her standing in the driveway waving goodbye? Perhaps a toddler at her side while holding a baby? Did the fragrance of her hair bring a smile to his face as he lay in his rack at night thinking of her? I envisioned the last moments before his death; writhing in pain, the coppery, iron-rich, acrid aroma of blood mixed with gunpowder filling his nostrils while screaming out in pain. Then perhaps God, in His infinite mercy, blew the scent of a prairie of wildflowers onto the breeze. Lavender, Honeysuckle, Jasmine, Lilac—every sweet fragrant chasing away the acrid, stale scent of death. Wafting to and fro, dancing to the slowing rhythm of his beating heart. Peaceful. Tranquil. Serene.

Arlington National Cemetery, Memorial Day.

Often, I wish I had taken a photo of the meeting or simply asked her name. I quickly dismissed that because my feelings of both immense gratitude and remorse could not be more genuine had I known all her personal details. Strangely, this is how we should feel towards all Gold Star families. We do not need to know them to appreciate their sacrifices and losses.

I shall never forget the sacrifices and loss of this Gold Star Wife and all Gold Star families. For them, every day is Memorial Day.

To God, Country, and Corps I shall remain,

SEMPER FIDELIS

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

John 15:13

Author's Note

The Service Banner tradition began in World War I as a means of honoring families that had loved ones serving during the war.  They were standardized and codified during World War II. A Blue Star Service Banner was given to the family of a Soldier, Sailor, or Marine serving at home or abroad. Additional Blue Stars were added to the same flag for multiple family members in service. Upon the heartbreaking news their loved one had paid the ultimate price, a Blue Star was removed and a Gold Star sewn in its stead. Each banner is limited to four stars, 

Blue and Gold Star Service Banners

They Gave Their All

On this Memorial Day Weekend, we, as a nation recognize the men and

women that gave their lives in service to this country. They gave their all in order for us to remain and live free. They gave their all so we could continue to enjoy “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”. They gave their all so we could go about our lives saying and doing whatever we please.

Somehow, having a day off from work, grilling or BBQ with friends, or perhaps putting a flag on the front porch, just does not appear to be appropriate or enough to thank the men and women that died. What should we do? What is appropriate? Perhaps you do not live near a national cemetery so you cannot place flags at tombstones. Perhaps you do not live near a military base and cannot tour it. However, you can take a moment and reflect on all that you have done in the past year that you might not have been able to do if we did not live in a free country. Take the time to explain the meaning and purpose of the “holiday” to your children. Find a veteran or family that lost a loved one and express your gratitude. Each of these are a good step in the right direction, but I would encourage you do something else. Think about all the men and women that lost their lives on a battlefield and all the things they might have done or accomplished had they lived. Could there have been another scientist that might have found a cure to cancer? Could there have been an engineer that discovered a new form of energy? We cannot replace their lost contributions but we can live each day with a renewed purpose. Do a little extra in an attempt to make up for all the lost contributions. This has weighed on me a lot through the years. I guess that is one of the reasons I did as much as I could while healthy.

My family has not had an immediate member die in service, but we have known several that have died. Three Marines I graduated boot camp with died in the Beirut bombing. My swim buddy from Combatant Dive School (think SCUBA school with demolitions) and partner in crime at several “high speed” schools, retired as a Marine First Sergeant (he was Force Recon) and was killed the following year while working with OGA in Afghanistan. My maternal grandfather lost a lot of shipmates while serving aboard the USS Helena in the Pacific Theater during WWII. My grandfather survived and he worked hard after retiring from the US Navy. The remainder of this post is his story. If you have similar stories, please share them.

Charles Ray Ridge MCPO, USN (Ret)

(b) 21 JUN 1915 --  (d) 22 NOV 1979

1949. (Then) CPO C R Ridge.

My grandfather enlisted in United States Navy in 1940 before the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor on 07 DEC 1941. He soon received a Metalsmith rating and received orders for sea duty. He spent a lot of time in the South Pacific and was aboard the Light Cruiser USS Helena (CL-50) when it sank. A Light Cruiser is a long-range warship capable of operating independently and could defeat any enemy surface ship apart from a battleship, but was fast enough to outrun it.

On 06 JUL 1943, the Helena was one of three light cruisers and four destroyers that attacked 10 Japanese destroyers off the coast of Kolombangara in the Solomon Islands. This naval battle would be known as the Battle of Kula Gulf.

USS Helena (CL-50).

Within 21 minutes of opening fire, the Helena helped sink the destroyer Niizuki which served as Admiral Teruo Akiyama’s flag ship. He was among the 324 Enemy KIA. The enemy vessels then turned their guns on the Helena. She was hit and began to sink. The battle lasted about five hours when both sides began to withdraw. Two US destroyers—Radford and Nicholas—and one enemy destroyer Amagiri remained to rescue survivors. It was the Amagiri that later rammed and cut in half PT-109, captained by Lieutenant (JG) John F. Kennedy.

The Helena sank and the entire ship’s compliment of 888 officers and men found themselves in the shark infested waters. At daylight, the Radford and Nicholas were able to rescue all but 275 survivors before they had to withdraw to repel attacks from enemy aircraft. The survivors clinging to the nearly submerged hull were strafed by enemy aircraft. Eighty-eight men were able to make their way to a nearby small island. Of the nearly 200 men remaining, four lifeboats were dropped for them in which they placed their wounded and dead shipmates. The wind and current worked against them taking them further out to sea. On the third day, they were able to beach on Vella Lavella. Coastwatchers reported their position and on the evening of 16 JUL, ten days after the opening salvo, 165 men were rescued. Total loss of life from Helena: 168. My grandfather was one of the survivors rescued from Vella Lavella. For her actions at the Battles of Cape Esperance, Guadalcanal, and Kula Gulf, she was the first ship to receive the Navy Unit Commendation. She was also one of the few ships to be mentioned by Tokyo Rose during a radio program after she sank two ships at the Battle of Cape Esperance. Rose called her the “machine gun ship”.

Route of USS Helena survivors.

After his time in the Pacific, he transitioned to shore duty where he worked as recruiter. He returned to sea aboard the Destroyer USS Rooks (DD-804). He would complete his enlistment on the Aircraft Carrier USS Antietam (CV-36) when it was home ported in 1959 at NAS Pensacola. For the next four years, it served as an aviation training vessel ship for newly winged pilots until she was decommissioned. My grandfather married my grandmother on 04 MAY 1940 and remained together until his death. Together they raised three daughters: Brenda (oldest) and twins Kay and Gay. He had a total of five grandsons and one granddaughter. After his retirement he worked for Delta Airlines. He enjoyed reading, especially poetry. I have one of his books. He would read anything and loved learning. I can “relate” to that.

So on this Memorial Day Weekend, I want to say thanks to my grandfather for giving your best years in service to this great country. To the three boot camp buddies killed in Lebanon; to my buddy killed in Afghanistan, and to all the men and women that gave their all, you have my sincere, humble and heartfelt gratitude. I lift my glass in recognition to your sacrifice.

Semper Fidelis and Bravo Zulu.

To learn more about the sinking of USS Helena, read this book available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.