LabCorp Comedy Club

This morning I had to have blood drawn for some labs. I joined three ladies in the waiting room. There were many open seats, but I chose the row with only two seats. It was closer to the door, and there was a woman in her late 30s in the other chair. That had no bearing on my decision.😉 However, this is not about her. Instead, it is about the Lady, in her mid-60s. Let's call her Miss WTH. She was explaining to the other women how bad Obamacare was, and they shook their heads in agreement, much like a bobblehead doll on the dash of an F-250 Fx4 muddin' in the woods. She then shifted gears and started with how Obama was going to stop the 2016 election. "He is using all these racial shootings to stir up 'the blacks' and will enact 'The' Martial Law. He will use this to confiscate all the guns." The truck must have stopped because their heads were no longer bobbing.

She explained Obama was going to use Jade Helm as a way to get people used to seeing the military in their city. Okay, this goes on and I am waiting for my 0845 appointment. I interrupted asking where she was getting her information, acting like I had never heard such. She replied, "The internet. Go to 'the' YouTube."

Other comments included (1) Obama has a clone--you know they have that technology--and if you take him out, his clone will take over. (2) Less than 1% of the world controls all world events--"them Bilderbergs". They control the world. "Well, I’ll be." I said just loud enough for the lady--call her Miss America--beside me to hear, "I thought they were a nice store where you could take your kids and build-a-bear. I'll be." Miss America laughed.

I then chimed in, saying, "I think they are actually Reptilians from Rigel 7."  Miss America pinched my arm and winked at me. Miss WTH just looked at me like I was some conspiracy kook. How ironic.

Miss WTH's phone started ringing while two black families entered. Miss WTH announces that it is her sister in Atlanta and had to answer. She explains she is having blood work--"but nothing serious". (Miss Third Lady was then called back and had a look of both relief for herself and pity for us that remained.) Miss WTH asked her sister if she had heard of the shooting, then asked all of us the same. Without waiting for replies, Miss WTH explained she visited that very church years ago and probably sat in what today is a blood-stained pew. Incidentally, we could also hear her sister from Atlanta because of the volume. For a while, I thought we were on a conference call. She mostly said "Nooo" and "I'll be". Miss WTH then told her sister how her 66th birthday went.

"'My man' was angry. I did not get to the restaurant until 6:15. We had planned to meet at 5:30, but I was running late."--"How many dates 'had' you been on with him?" her Atlanta sister inquired.--"This would have been our third. He told me he had to leave and apologized, then got up and left. I was appalled at his behavior. Why would he do that to me? He did not give a single reason. I was talking to my daughter at 10 while watching the news, and she was asking about the date. I told her, no dinner, no card, no present, and the next thing I know she showed up with a flower she picked from her garden and a tin of cookies".

A black lady sitting beside Miss WTH was directly across from me. She was smiling at me while rolling her eyes and shaking her head. The collective waiting room looked as if all were doing their best to contain their laughter. One fart and the laughter would have sounded like a Jerry Seinfeld joke at a comedy club on Saturday night.

The door opened, EDDY GILLEY? -- "That's me!" I have not sprung to my feet that fast since one of my German Shepherds placed his cold nose on my bare butt. Once standing, Miss America mouthed "I hate you". Might I add--and this is important--Miss America has cerulean blue eyes, red lipstick, and her black sunglasses were perched upon her stylish blonde hair. She wore a light blue sleeveless scalloped neck shirt, white shorts, and tan leather thong sandals. Her nicely pedicured toenails were accentuated by red nail polish, and for the record, her fingernails were real and French-tipped. Anyway, Miss America was a bit envious of my winning the lottery, I mean, being called back to get stuck with a HUGE needle. I placed my hand across my heart and feigned a look of disbelief.

Jerry Seinfeld.

I turned to Miss WTH and said, "Excuse me. Ma'am, I do not mean to interrupt. I just wanted to wish you a belated Happy Birthday and offer my apologies for the events you described. I agree, it is hard for me to think of a single reason why your man would not want to spend an evening with you."

Someone must have farted as I turned to go because the room erupted in laughter.

Now I know how Jerry Seinfeld feels on a Saturday night at the (LabCorp) Comedy Club.